Advice for a cheater

1:15 PM

For some reason everyone seems to think that I'm the go to girl for advice. Whether it's asking me what I think about an outfit, or getting their dog neutered , people seem to come to me for answers. This time I was playing relationship counselor for a guy that I didn't even know. We'll just call him Chris.

That morning Chris rode the bus to meet his girlfriend,*Tracy. He used a stranger's phone to let her know that he was running late. When he had finally got there, Tracy went crazy, calling him all kinds of names and accusing him of cheating with another girl. Turns out, she’d called the number back, and was angry that a woman had answered. She claimed that he and that girl had to be creeping around. This fight only added to a list of complaints he already had. He could never get his point across when they spoke, she didn’t want him to have any female friends (or hang out with any of his friends for that matter) and didn’t seem to trust him. I knew Tracy wasn’t just throwing these accusations out of the blue. There had to be a reason she was acting this way. I was right. He had cheated on her about a year ago.

Although he had come clean about it when it happened, and they continued dating, she wouldn’t let him forget his mistake. She claimed it was the reason she couldn't respect him, and would always throw his cheating in his face during arguments. The week before Chris had told her that things would have to change .   He wants to stay with Tracy, and had even gone out shopping for rings, but because of the arguing and her attitude he wasn't sure about the relationship anymore. Then he asked me what I thought and I told him plain and simple: just dump her. 

There is never any excuse for cheating. Once you betray someone like that, it’s hard to trust them again. When you decide to take a cheater back, you agree not to hold the past against them.  You don’t bring up past flings in arguments because going back into that relationship says that you forgive them for their wrong doing. Of course that doesn’t mean that the memory will magically disappear, or relieve the fear that it will happen again, but constantly throwing it back in their face in arguments is not helping the relationship.

Before you take a cheater back you should take some time to think about all your options. Let them know that some things will have to change and some people, especially the other girl, will have to be out of their life if they want you back in. Any contact with the other person has to end immediately and you have to let them know that if this happens again, there is no more do overs. If this is the second time it’s happened, then you’re better off letting them go.
That doesn’t mean that you’ll be able to trust them at the same level before they cheated. It doesn’t mean that you agree to forget about it, or will pretend that it can’t happen again, but it does mean you’re willing start fresh and try again.

Do you think this guy should dump his girlfriend? Would You Ever Take a Cheater Back?

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